Yet again I’m weeks behind on this or whatever, and I’ve given up on whatever resembled a schedule for this, even though I want to get “back on track,” whatever that means. I want to get back on the track so badly, and with so many things. Trying to run regularly, trying to sleep at a decent time, trying to wake up before 9am. None of it is working. Anyway I blame Jayne (joking) (but actually I need her to beat my ass)
I don’t know why I keep feeling so much ennui. Does the ennui ever end? I get why French people are so annoying now. I get it. Now that I have a word to describe this feeling I’m getting all annoying about it too. Originally I had an idea of something specific I wanted to write about, but I’m not really in the mood. I feel like I’m not in the mood for much in general, really. And then I complain about not doing things! Come on girl.
There’s also not much going on that makes me feel very good. I wake up every morning and check Instagram and cry at videos of people dying in Iran, videos of Sarina Esmailzadeh and Nika Shahkarami. I don’t know, man. A few weeks ago I was reading about what happens to the girls when they’re arrested, and that was a breaking point. I couldn’t take that at all.
Sorry guys. I wrote all that stuff a week ago and then immediately got (1) my period, and (2) a cold. Maybe that was all the cause of the ennui? Anyway I slept for like 3 days and now I feel a little better. All this to say this isn’t anything in particular but something I need to send to get (gritted teeth) back on track. Some things coming soon inshaAllah.
some things:
I started watching the Weird Al biopic, Weird: The Al Yankovic Story, and it’s good. It’s good!
Otherwise all I can seem to watch these days is Gilmore Girls and I’m starting to think Lauren Graham was the sexiest woman alive in 2004. Also the season 4 finale went so hard for no reason. They introduced, like, 7 different life-altering events in that episode.
Fall is so fleeting. Everything wonderful about it slips though your hands like water. I’m enjoying walking around and furiously telling myself This will be gone soon. Enjoy it. Enjoy it! Enjoy it!!!!!!!!!!! Last week the trees by my parents’ house were bright red and this week they’re bare.
If you see me listening to Hozier on Spotify call an ambulance
I hope republicans dont take the house and senate tomorrow :)
I finished reading Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow, which I didn’t realize was by an author whose YA books I read when I was younger. (Rosie recommended them to me back in the day — shoutout Rosie.) It was really good and kind of a fast read considering it’s like 400 pages. Good in the way that books were when you were a kid, does that make sense?
Now I’m reading Bluets by Maggie Nelson publicly on the metro so people think I’m annoying <3
xoxo
PM
ennui in different names (recently, malaise) is my life. thank you for this <3
i too have been wracked with ennui recently and listening to a lot of hozier. it is just that time of year